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Status på at være syg med stress er at jeg åbenbart er rask meldt 75% – og der er dage hvor det giver rigtig meget mening. Men der er også dage hvor det ingen mening giver. Når osteklokken tager sit indtog og jeg mister noget af synet på venstre øje, når gråden står i halsen på mig og jeg ryster over hele kroppen.
Sådan havde jeg det i sidste uge, i to en halv dag sad jeg i osteklokken og kunne blot vente til kroppen faldt til ro og hjernen igen begyndte at tage livet ind.
Stress har en underlig indvirkning på livet. i arbejdet med at blive raskt ligger der en klarhed, det er som om der er en dyne der bliver fjernet fra livet og alting står meget skarpt, meget meget skarpt. Så skarpt at man godt kan få nogle knubs på vejen af de skarpe kanter, imens jeg lærer at sætte grænser. Lærer at være i ubehaget – fordi det kræver det at jeg er. Være modig nok til ikke at flygte fra det der er ubehageligt, eller det som giver mig nærmest kvalme i sit blotte nærvær. At se alting klart, meget meget klart fra indersiden af en osteklokke er – hvordan skal jeg sige det – er som at se verdenen nøgen fra en prædikestol, uden at vide det på forhånd – skræmmende.
Kan jeg med 75% finde plads til at kunne sidde i to dage og vente på at blive nogenlunde igen, når stressen raser? Mig bekendt kan man ikke skynde processen, jeg kan presse igennem den – men så sidder stressen jo blot fast igen.
Skynd dig langsomt – det ved jeg (heller) ikke hvordan man gør. Men jeg ved hvordan man går i skoven kl. 8 om morgenen og mærker vindens susen på mine kinder og lytter til den når den farer igennem trætoppene, jeg mærker skovbunden under mine fødder og hører grenene knække. Det er her jeg trækker osteklokken over mit hoved igen og finder smilet allerinderst inde.
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